Dancing Her Jig

I don’t know which
surprises me more:
who I was
or
who I’ve become.

The Nancy of Today
has always been with me.
She has sat center stage
with my psyche.
She has also enjoyed
playing a masterful game
of hide-and-seek.

She has skipped,
frolicked,
and darted
throughout my yesteryears.
While she hadn’t fully
introduced herself yet,
unbeknownst to me,
her role was far more significant
than an Alfred Hitchcock
cameo appearance.
The shadow
of her fingerprints
are distinct
when viewing reels
of home movies.

A grand entrance
was never her style.
She infiltrated gradually,
almost indistinguishably,
leisurely taking the reins
to run the show.
Once she shimmied
into the pilot seat,
I was dancing
her jig with glee!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C
Poem #387
May 30, 2014

Advertisements

My Life Is Worth Saving!

Sometimes, out of nowhere, tears flood my eyes. They sneak in as an unexpected guest. They cannot be denied or ignored. Behind them, can be a whole array of emotions lurking about: happiness, sadness, desperation, strength, love, pure gratitude, or a kaleidoscope of them all. There are times, when they are derived from guilt and confusion. We all know others who have passed into another world. All of us wonder why we are here. As survivors, we have all pondered the question, “Why am I blessed with the chance to beat this disease when others have not?”

In my case, the personal circumstance which leaves me pondering is that I don’t have children, and this vicious killer has taken mothers with young children who desperately needed their guidance. My sister-in-law battled a great fight. She was a warrior. Yet my nephews and niece still lost their Mom at a time in their lives when they needed her the most, when they were searching for love and stability in the midst of their delicate youth. Her fatality left them struggling to figure out who they were without her. A friend of mine had four young children, yet she still had to lay down her sword and rise above, while her kids were left with a hole in their hearts and their psyches.

There is no rhyme nor reason that our minds can grasp onto where a grief of such magnitude makes any sense. Loss and confusion can wrap around our entire beings, suffocating our every breath. We have to have faith in something bigger than us to move forward. We have to believe that there is a plan Greater than – and beyond – our comprehension.

While I believe I inspire others and have a great positive influence on this world, there is nothing like the influence a mother has on her kids. In moments like these, I have to lay my trust completely in the Universe. I know I have a purpose greater than me; and I have not fulfilled it yet. I still have work to do. I know I can help more people being alive than dead. Having had children or not, my life is worth saving! Yours is too, regardless of the circumstances we perceive in our human minds.

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed, C.H.C.
May 17, 2014

No Future. No Past. Where Our Magic Happens!

As my 48th birthday approaches, I contemplate birthday celebrations. Okay, we’ve lived another year, yet really it’s just another day lived. It indicates the passage of time, which I think we all will attest, goes way too fast. As I ponder the days of my life, there are more outstanding milestones to celebrate. Days upon which I’ve done something far greater than marking calendar pages turned. At the same time, EVERY day is a gift. The ONLY day we truly have is TODAY. The only moment to call our own is NOW. The heart of time. No future. No past. The only point in which we get to live. Truly the moment of celebration.

It’s so easy to get caught up in our routines, moving from task to task without much thought. Lists of what we’ve done and what we need to do occupying our head space. We’ve all been there. We’ve all done that. Living in the HERE and NOW takes practice. A daily practice. While it can be challenge, the HERE/NOW is where our magic happens. It’s where we connect to our true, inner selves. It’s where all the colors of the most vivid kaleidoscope transform into a glorious white light. No judgements. No discriminations. It’s where hearts merge and beat as one.

I’m all for celebrating each of our milestones, birthdays included. My desire is to also celebrate the enchantment of HERE/NOW. Knowing it is exactly where I need to be, at the juncture I need to be there. Living in the heart of each moment is powerful and transformative!

We all have this inner mastery. For some it’s dormant, yet it is still within each of us. You’ll be amazed with what happens when you awaken your inherent wisdom. The more you engage, the more your mundane becomes extraordinary! The simplest of times become passionate. A delightful, delectable, jubilation! Come join me! Exuberance awaits!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.

Inner Goddess

Inner Goddess

Sometimes Ms. Vanity,
chases away Ms. Confidence,
and comes knocking on my door.
She keeps her companion,
Ms. Self-Conscious,
in close tow.
I try to ignore them both.
But they howl and howl,
and they huff and they puff,
until I let them in.

They point and laugh.
Magnifying and Amplifying
all the cruel tricks of Nature
I want to eradicate.

Hair loss
where I want to keep it.
Hair growth
where I could do without!
My tweezers and I
have a friend/foe relationship.
Every day,
we have a stare down
in the mirror.
Plucking and taunting
as we dance in the ring.
Bulges, jiggles, and wiggles
jamming to the beat.

Dryness
in the most undesirable places.
Wetness
at the most inconvenient times.
Winkles
taking ownership of my skin.

Ruminants
of my Perfect Girls
are in the eyes
of a Scarecrow.
Helter Skelter
Purple Hearts
slashed across
their cheeks.

One would think
my husband’s declining vision
would help my parable,
yet his fingers do the walking.
He knows me by braille!

What Is
is
What Is.
It’s better
than the alternative!
Control what you can,
and LET GO of all the rest!

Find your Inner Goddess.
Gaze upon her
in your reflection.
She is your True Self.
She is your Muse.
Present her
to the world.
Walk in her light!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
January 16, 2014
Poem # 384

Flapping My Feathers

Flapping My Feathers

The wind
is heavy.
Propelling
me
backward.
My wings
are fatigued.

The big, bad wolf
is still lurking about,
trying to huff,
and puff,
and blow me down.

On my knees,
fervently
flapping my feathers
with all the moxie
I can muster.
Cemented in quicksand.
Struggling
to take flight.

Again.
And.
Again.
Endlessly.

Forward.
Backward.
Up.
Down.
Spinning.
Darting emotions.
Staggering.
Seasickness.

Faith.
Look to the heavens.
Trust.
Quiet the clamor.
Believe.
Turn inward.

Searching
for my Chi.
She knows
the way,
even when I don’t.

Breathe.
Close my eyes.
Listen to her.
Guiding my every step,
better than any fancy
navigational device.

Rise up.
Ascend
from the ashes.
Soar
as you know you can.

Tests.
Measurements.
Statistics.
All looking to
dictate my Heath.

Focus.
Results are
nothing more
than a static,
infinitesimal
grain of sand.

I cannot
let numbers
obscure
or blind
my vision.
Remember.
Know.

Chant.
I.
Will.
Heal.
This.
Land!

My diagnosis
is not my prognosis.
It is only
one moment
in time.
Forever changing.
Never to be the same.
Dynamic.

As fluid as an ocean shore.
Always in motion,
moving toward
Quantum Health.
Prevailing!

I will survive!
I am alive and vibrant!
Nothing can stop me!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C
December 18-19, 2013
Poem # 383

20130912-101724.jpg
For those who are wondering what inspired this poem, I got my results back from the blood work I sent to Greece. They have a test there which can determine the cancer stem cells circulating in my blood. Those are the cells that cause recurrences. We want my number to less than 5, preferably 3 or 2. I’ve been tested four times at this point. My results have been as follows: 6.3, 6.1, 5.8, and now 6.4. Ugh! There are many factors which may have contributed to the rise. My recent surgeries being the most likely. My doctor is hoping that it is a temporary surge, which can happen with cancer apoptosis (cell death). We will retest in eight weeks and go from there. 

I was so positive my results were going to drop. The rise came as quite a blow. On top of the recent Hashimoto’s Thyrioditis diagnosis, my vim and vigor wained for just a moment. No worries. I’ll be back!

The Same, Yet Completely Different!

The Same, Yet Completely Different!

Two years ago today,
my life was saved!
I became
a breast cancer Survivor.
Conqueror.
Warrior.
Phoenix.

Little did I know then,
this day
would be one to celebrate.
Without a diagnosis,
a demon was silently
suffocating me.

The words
which felt like daggers
ripping through my soul,
were actually angels
flying in to rescue me!

When the announcement
shattered the airwaves,
my world came crashing
down upon me,
plunging me
into a darkness
I’ve never known before.

Despair and Fear
became my full-time companions.
They followed me
everywhere.
They barged into my head
and ranted on
incessantly.

Their voices devoured
my every thought.
Nothing could
penetrate
their relentless
shrieking.

Somewhere along
the Trinity Trails,
my inner terrain
recalibrated.
A shift
unfolded.
Transposed.

My spirit inverted.
Rose.
Prevailed.
Squirmed away
from those masqueraded comrades.

I ascended
to the other side
and befriended
Hope.
Trust.
Belief.
They became
my beloved playmates!

They held my hand
as I turned my back on the abyss
and skipped toward the radiant,
panoramic landscape.

My heart overflowed
with the beat
of the Phoenix and the Dove.
Entirely encompassed.
Overpowering
static wailing
from the inside out.

Their sweet voices
chanted in harmonious unison.
Composing a symphony
which mended
my broken wings,
elevated me,
and gave me the strength
to take flight.

In these last two years,
I traveled to places
I never thought I’d have go.
I marshaled qualities
I never knew I had.
I scaled mountains
and crawled out
of seemingly bottomless,
and oh so very bleak,
chasms.

I have been to the edge
of the world and back.
Helter Skelter
Purple Hearts
slashed across my chest.

I battled a demon
and returned transformed.
I left ordinary and burdened
and come back
empowered and invigorated.

In the midst of combat,
I went through a metamorphosis.
Darkness and Light.
Twilight and Eclipse.
Combusting.
Alchemy.
Expansive and Exuberant.
Vivid and Brilliant.
A Total Color Spectrum.
I was reconstructed.

A Quantum Evolution transpired.
I’ve become someone
I never knew
I could be!
I see with different eyes.
I feel with a rejuvenated heart.
My mind is remolded.
I am the same,
yet completely different!

Before the demon
tried to take residence
inside my body,
I thought
I had my life’s work figured out.
I thought
my path was forged
and firmly mapped out.
Enduring warfare
revolutionized my spirit.

Scattered across
the depths of combat,
I realized
my thoroughfare
was really a foundation in disguise –
navigating and preparing me
for a path upon which
I never thought I’d step.

The jigsaw puzzle
descended into place.
My undeniable purpose
was revealed to me,
paraded before my eyes,
at the exact moment
I was meant to know.

Billboards in the sky.
Flashing, neon lights.
Flare guns.
Exploding fireworks.
Signs everywhere.
The message was luminous.
Pitch perfect a cappella.
Absorbed and reverberating.
Drenching every cell of my being.
Full-blown saturation.

I was meant to have face-off
with the demon.
I was supposed to cross swords
and come out on the other side
transfigured.
Only then,
would I be equip
to walk the path
designed for me.

The rest of my life
is devoted
to empowering others
to live healthy lifestyles
for disease prevention
or triumphing and flourishing
in spite of it!

This is all beyond me.
I am a sparking conduit.
Singing the lyrics
the heavens
are whispering
straight into my heart.
A drop in the ocean.
A delicate snowflake.
Infinitesimal,
yet all that matters.

The Universe
expanding.
Inside out.
Outside in.
Every
IS
WAS
WILL BE
– Undivided.
Merging.
Intertwining.
One Breath.
Absolute Abundance
embracing
my entire being.

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
December 11 – 16, 2013
Poem #382

Exactly Where I’m Meant To Be!

In the last almost two years, I’ve had seven surgeries on the girls, chosen to change my entire way of life, and ergo gone through a Quantum Evolution. I am the very best version of ME that I have ever been.  Nancy Version 2.0.  Each day, I look forward to further expansion by actively engaging in self-advancement.  During this journey over, around, and through the expansive sierras, I am learning many lessons in human nature which both swell and deflate my heart, each side equally as deep.

I am profoundly humbled by the many who steadily hold my hand and walk by my side with unwavering support. They have erected scaffolding under my feet and perpetually champion my genesis. They take every single step with me, struggling to be in my purple Birkenstock sandals as much as viable.  Our relationships are flourishing under the veil of adversity and in the triumph of the psyche.

There are unexpected supporters who have traipsed from my yesterdays into my todays with ease and elegance. Our histories were inked on the same parchment, and they have paraded back into my life and animated our stories once again.

There are some who sojourn when they can, trek with me for a mile or two, and switch back to saunter upon their own trails.

In quasi-spontaneous crossroads and intersections, there are those who come forward, whispering in my ear. Unbeknownst to me, they have been striding adjacent to me all along, hand-in-hand, silently shouting cheers on my behalf.

There are many muted observers, witnessing my travels from a TripTik, inspired by the direction I’ve taken, and are using my travel guide as a beacon for their own lives.

There are also those I’ve encountered because we share a carbon quest. We have faced kindred obstacles and grace. We have declared our distinct expeditions. We soar together, harmonize, and synthesize into one powerful voice.

Mournfully, in tandem, there are those who try to hike with me but, for whatever reason, can’t handle the altitude or the unexpected turns and twists. They profess their ceaseless devotion.  Yet before their words can emerge as an echo, they vanish, and their covenant shatters upon the concrete.

There are those who swing by, ever so briefly, and only at their own convenience, to yank upon my freshly situated oxygen mask and tap it for their own hardships, depleting my limited supply. Without warning or notice, having no regard for the topography of my crusade, they evaporate into thin air.

Most distressingly, are those who have directly and deliberately turned their backs on me and darted away. They scaled the mountains with me for a while, holding my hand, pulling me up, lulling me into believing they were an intertwined net, ready to rescue me if I fell. While rappelling, abruptly and unpredictably, they unfastened the anchors and let go of the rope, plummeting me into a chasm and abandoning me as I crashed upon the cliffs. Those gashes plunge deeper than any of the scars carved across my chest.

I cannot begin to express the intensity of emotions that have occurred on both sides of my heart. The majority of my loved ones have raised me to new elevations, and I am forever grateful. Adversely, there are those who have brought me to subterranean voids. Although my heart is pained as some of my relationships have been redefined or discarded as easily as a crumpled tissue, every plot has a teeter-totter antithesis.

The symmetry is stunningly organic. A definitive and abundant locus. It is what it is. I am learning serenity: the courage to refine who I am, not letting my ego protest in opposition, and detaching from what I cannot change. My salve is Panoramic Optics. A knowing that transcends a flimsy superficiality and penetrates infinite dimensions beyond a limited scope.  I can say without hesitation or ambiguity, never before, have I known with such profound certainty, I am exactly who and where I am meant to be!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.ED., C.H.C.
September 14-15, 2013

Road To Me

Road To Me

Over time you come to realize that not everyone who walks on your path is meant to stay on it, some people are meant to be on your journey but not at your destination.

Over time you come to realize that not everyone who walks on your path is meant to stay on it, some people are meant to be on your journey but not at your destination.

Radiate From Within!

Radiate From Within!

New Dimensions

New Dimensions