Sometimes, out of nowhere, tears flood my eyes. They sneak in as an unexpected guest. They cannot be denied or ignored. Behind them, can be a whole array of emotions lurking about: happiness, sadness, desperation, strength, love, pure gratitude, or a kaleidoscope of them all. There are times, when they are derived from guilt and confusion. We all know others who have passed into another world. All of us wonder why we are here. As survivors, we have all pondered the question, “Why am I blessed with the chance to beat this disease when others have not?”
In my case, the personal circumstance which leaves me pondering is that I don’t have children, and this vicious killer has taken mothers with young children who desperately needed their guidance. My sister-in-law battled a great fight. She was a warrior. Yet my nephews and niece still lost their Mom at a time in their lives when they needed her the most, when they were searching for love and stability in the midst of their delicate youth. Her fatality left them struggling to figure out who they were without her. A friend of mine had four young children, yet she still had to lay down her sword and rise above, while her kids were left with a hole in their hearts and their psyches.
There is no rhyme nor reason that our minds can grasp onto where a grief of such magnitude makes any sense. Loss and confusion can wrap around our entire beings, suffocating our every breath. We have to have faith in something bigger than us to move forward. We have to believe that there is a plan Greater than – and beyond – our comprehension.
While I believe I inspire others and have a great positive influence on this world, there is nothing like the influence a mother has on her kids. In moments like these, I have to lay my trust completely in the Universe. I know I have a purpose greater than me; and I have not fulfilled it yet. I still have work to do. I know I can help more people being alive than dead. Having had children or not, my life is worth saving! Yours is too, regardless of the circumstances we perceive in our human minds.
Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed, C.H.C.
May 17, 2014