Flapping My Feathers

Flapping My Feathers

The wind
is heavy.
Propelling
me
backward.
My wings
are fatigued.

The big, bad wolf
is still lurking about,
trying to huff,
and puff,
and blow me down.

On my knees,
fervently
flapping my feathers
with all the moxie
I can muster.
Cemented in quicksand.
Struggling
to take flight.

Again.
And.
Again.
Endlessly.

Forward.
Backward.
Up.
Down.
Spinning.
Darting emotions.
Staggering.
Seasickness.

Faith.
Look to the heavens.
Trust.
Quiet the clamor.
Believe.
Turn inward.

Searching
for my Chi.
She knows
the way,
even when I don’t.

Breathe.
Close my eyes.
Listen to her.
Guiding my every step,
better than any fancy
navigational device.

Rise up.
Ascend
from the ashes.
Soar
as you know you can.

Tests.
Measurements.
Statistics.
All looking to
dictate my Heath.

Focus.
Results are
nothing more
than a static,
infinitesimal
grain of sand.

I cannot
let numbers
obscure
or blind
my vision.
Remember.
Know.

Chant.
I.
Will.
Heal.
This.
Land!

My diagnosis
is not my prognosis.
It is only
one moment
in time.
Forever changing.
Never to be the same.
Dynamic.

As fluid as an ocean shore.
Always in motion,
moving toward
Quantum Health.
Prevailing!

I will survive!
I am alive and vibrant!
Nothing can stop me!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C
December 18-19, 2013
Poem # 383

20130912-101724.jpg
For those who are wondering what inspired this poem, I got my results back from the blood work I sent to Greece. They have a test there which can determine the cancer stem cells circulating in my blood. Those are the cells that cause recurrences. We want my number to less than 5, preferably 3 or 2. I’ve been tested four times at this point. My results have been as follows: 6.3, 6.1, 5.8, and now 6.4. Ugh! There are many factors which may have contributed to the rise. My recent surgeries being the most likely. My doctor is hoping that it is a temporary surge, which can happen with cancer apoptosis (cell death). We will retest in eight weeks and go from there. 

I was so positive my results were going to drop. The rise came as quite a blow. On top of the recent Hashimoto’s Thyrioditis diagnosis, my vim and vigor wained for just a moment. No worries. I’ll be back!

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The Same, Yet Completely Different!

The Same, Yet Completely Different!

Two years ago today,
my life was saved!
I became
a breast cancer Survivor.
Conqueror.
Warrior.
Phoenix.

Little did I know then,
this day
would be one to celebrate.
Without a diagnosis,
a demon was silently
suffocating me.

The words
which felt like daggers
ripping through my soul,
were actually angels
flying in to rescue me!

When the announcement
shattered the airwaves,
my world came crashing
down upon me,
plunging me
into a darkness
I’ve never known before.

Despair and Fear
became my full-time companions.
They followed me
everywhere.
They barged into my head
and ranted on
incessantly.

Their voices devoured
my every thought.
Nothing could
penetrate
their relentless
shrieking.

Somewhere along
the Trinity Trails,
my inner terrain
recalibrated.
A shift
unfolded.
Transposed.

My spirit inverted.
Rose.
Prevailed.
Squirmed away
from those masqueraded comrades.

I ascended
to the other side
and befriended
Hope.
Trust.
Belief.
They became
my beloved playmates!

They held my hand
as I turned my back on the abyss
and skipped toward the radiant,
panoramic landscape.

My heart overflowed
with the beat
of the Phoenix and the Dove.
Entirely encompassed.
Overpowering
static wailing
from the inside out.

Their sweet voices
chanted in harmonious unison.
Composing a symphony
which mended
my broken wings,
elevated me,
and gave me the strength
to take flight.

In these last two years,
I traveled to places
I never thought I’d have go.
I marshaled qualities
I never knew I had.
I scaled mountains
and crawled out
of seemingly bottomless,
and oh so very bleak,
chasms.

I have been to the edge
of the world and back.
Helter Skelter
Purple Hearts
slashed across my chest.

I battled a demon
and returned transformed.
I left ordinary and burdened
and come back
empowered and invigorated.

In the midst of combat,
I went through a metamorphosis.
Darkness and Light.
Twilight and Eclipse.
Combusting.
Alchemy.
Expansive and Exuberant.
Vivid and Brilliant.
A Total Color Spectrum.
I was reconstructed.

A Quantum Evolution transpired.
I’ve become someone
I never knew
I could be!
I see with different eyes.
I feel with a rejuvenated heart.
My mind is remolded.
I am the same,
yet completely different!

Before the demon
tried to take residence
inside my body,
I thought
I had my life’s work figured out.
I thought
my path was forged
and firmly mapped out.
Enduring warfare
revolutionized my spirit.

Scattered across
the depths of combat,
I realized
my thoroughfare
was really a foundation in disguise –
navigating and preparing me
for a path upon which
I never thought I’d step.

The jigsaw puzzle
descended into place.
My undeniable purpose
was revealed to me,
paraded before my eyes,
at the exact moment
I was meant to know.

Billboards in the sky.
Flashing, neon lights.
Flare guns.
Exploding fireworks.
Signs everywhere.
The message was luminous.
Pitch perfect a cappella.
Absorbed and reverberating.
Drenching every cell of my being.
Full-blown saturation.

I was meant to have face-off
with the demon.
I was supposed to cross swords
and come out on the other side
transfigured.
Only then,
would I be equip
to walk the path
designed for me.

The rest of my life
is devoted
to empowering others
to live healthy lifestyles
for disease prevention
or triumphing and flourishing
in spite of it!

This is all beyond me.
I am a sparking conduit.
Singing the lyrics
the heavens
are whispering
straight into my heart.
A drop in the ocean.
A delicate snowflake.
Infinitesimal,
yet all that matters.

The Universe
expanding.
Inside out.
Outside in.
Every
IS
WAS
WILL BE
– Undivided.
Merging.
Intertwining.
One Breath.
Absolute Abundance
embracing
my entire being.

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
December 11 – 16, 2013
Poem #382

Now I Know!

Today is my 2nd birthday. On this day, I was in a very serious car accident. I was a mere 17 years old. I was thrown out of the car and found underneath it. I was in a semi-coma for five days, had blood transfusions, and needed major surgery to repair my spleen and stop internal bleeding. Even at that age, I knew how lucky I was to be alive! I did not know my life’s purpose then, but I knew I had not filled it yet! 30 years ago (WOW), I was given a second chance!!

In six days is my 3rd birthday. On that day, two years ago, I became a breast cancer Survivor, a Conqueror, a Warrior, a Phoenix. I am like a cat with nine lives! Hear me roar!

The 17 Year Old Nancy did not know her life’s purpose; yet she knew she was saved for a reason, and she was blessed to have the rest of her life figure it out. The 47 Year Old Nancy now knows her life’s purpose!

Surprisingly, it was not me who figured it out. I thought I knew long ago. Ironically, those roads were laying the foundation, navigating and preparing me, to a path upon which I never thought I’d step. My purpose was revealed to me just in the last year, at the exact moment I was meant to know. Billboards in the sky. Flashing, neon lights. The message was clear. Pitch perfect acappella. Absorbed and reverberating through every cell of my being.

I will spend the rest of my life helping to empower others to live healthy lifestyles to prevent disease or triumph and flourish in spite of it!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.