Sloughing Off Old Skin

Of all the significant things I’ve lost to breast cancer, never did I think I would lose friends.  Recently, I had a group of friends who turned their back on me. Of course, at this point I have to use the word “friends” in quotes. While it’s very difficult being rejected, I have to have faith that it was for the best. I am not doubting myself; I am not beating myself up; I am proud to be who I am!  I am thrilled with who I’ve become!

Of course, I bear some responsibility from the situation; and I want to learn all the lessons I meant to from it. At the same time, in my heart, I know, I am the best version of me I’ve ever been. The last year and a half has been a quantum evolution for me! Version 2.0! As I shed old habits, previous versions of Me are outgrown and sloughed off.  As learn to live in my new skin, as much as it saddens me, I guess some “friends” also get sloughed off in the process. I suppose, it is a natural part of evolution.

***For further thoughts on the subject, read the poem I posted on May 23rd, Living In My New Skin***

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.

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Living In My New Skin

Living In My New Skin

behind my back.
Masks in place.
I had no idea.
Smiles masquerading
the truth.
Blind sighted.

An attack was forged.
Unbeknownst to me.
Trust and Friendships
were the casualties.
My heart has been
stomped upon,
left wreathing on the ground.

Eight daggers protruding.
Separate names
engraved upon each blade.
Yet one set
of fingerprints remains.
The other voices
cannot be discerned
Hidden ventriloquism.
Veiled puppetry.

Passion bred contempt.
As I move forward
in my Quantum Evolution,
old habits are shed.
Previous versions of Me
are outgrown
and sloughed off.

As I learn how to live
in my new skin,
I don’t expect anyone else
to be my seamstress.
Yet I certainly thought
those whose hands
have held my heart
would let me know
if a tag was sticking out,
instead of ripping
my new garment into shreds.
Throwing the scraps of fabric
into a blazing fire.

Stories shared.
Secrets told.
Hearts merged.
Double faces surface.
Hands holding hands
are now hurdling boulders.
A wall was erected.
Casting me out.
The hands that held me up,
are now shoving me
into a cavernous abyss.
Tearing a hole
deep inside my heart.

I will not crumble.
The adult stands tall,
cradling the little girl,
who’s trembling on the inside.
Tears and Inner Strength
become the epoxy,
to repair the entrenched slashes,
scorching my heart.

To release these tattered pages
into the blowing wind,
my voice must be heard.
The waves crashing
through my veins
are pounding harder
than a stormy ocean turf,
as I wrestle
with the Send Button.
My courage,
proudly waving its wings,
thrusts me forward.

As painful as it is,
I must Let Go.
Move on.
Climb over,
and through
that mountain range.
Lighten my spirit.
Discard all the baggage
that does not support
my journey.
Continue my flight.
Keep soaring,
higher and higher,
through the majestic sky.

This too shall pass.
Barreling through
the pain.
A stronger version
of myself,
I will become.

They will not douse
the flames of my soul.
My inferno will continue
to burn vibrantly,
upon an elevated summit,
as a guiding beacon,
through the darkest
and the best of times.
Offering Hope!
All I am!
For all to see!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
May 20 – 22 & 28, 2013
Poem #377

Letting Go!

Permanent Residency

Permanent Residency

If only I could hold time
in my hands.
Slow it down just a bit.
Savor its brilliance
a little longer.

Every day, I get to delight
in seeing friends
who’s  fingerprints are
defined, smudged, and smeared
across, on, around, and through
all my calendar pages.
My heart swells.
My smile broadens.
My glow brightens.
I am enchanted.

They have a permanent residency
in my heart.
They whisper in my ear
no matter how many miles
span between us.
Our histories were inked
on the same paper.
Our stories are alive.

They helped bring me
to who I am today.
They are a part of me.
Who I was.
Who I am.
Who I will be.
The threads that run through
the fabric of my soul.
The tapestry of my life.

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
May 8 & 9, 2013
Poem #376
Dedicated: Y’all Know Who You Are

Everywhere. Always.

Everywhere. Always.

Walking the land in which I grew up.
My life unfolded here.
Memories are in every direction I look.
The ghosts of yesteryear have risen to see me.
Lifting me higher.
Embracing all the ME
from the past to now.
The continuum of time
blends, shrinks, overlaps.
One moment.

Connecting soul-to-soul,
with friends who’s fingerprints
are all over my heart.

They are my inner tapestry.
Their smiles are engraved
on my memory-bound photo albums.

They are woven throughout
all my days.
They helped me write my history,
and create my present.
They are part of my yesteryear.
My heart.
My soul.
Here, Now.
There, Then.
Everywhere, Always.

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.
May 21 & 27, 2012

My Modeling Debut!

What a wonderful event! Cancer Survivors took to the cat walk to raise funds for a great cause: Cuisine For Healing, a non-profit organization which provides nutritious meals for cancer patients. I was one of the models and had a blast! I got up on stage, walked the runway, shook my hips, and cheered in celebration of life!

Survivors In Style, Cuisine For Healing's Annual Fundraising Event!

Survivors In Style, Cuisine For Healing’s Annual Fundraising Event!

A night of culinary delights and fashion! Click on image to buy tickets!

A night of culinary delights and fashion!

Nancy L. Baskin Michlin, M.Ed., C.H.C.